Welcome To Our World

We are propelled into this world with such a fury of violence and force it is no wonder we live the way in which we do. We begin our lives in a mass of blood, pain and tears, we continue to live like this and then to die like this. Everything we touch we destroy. We cause nout but suffering and hate. And for the few good things on this earth, there are ten bad. Some try but we cannot change who or what we are and that is monsters. Murderers. And the bringers of our own destruction.

Time

I spend 95% of my time thinking 'I don't want to be here'.
And the rest of the time, not thinking at all.

The Ugly Truth

It's simple really. I hate having my photo taken. That's all there is to it. I'm very ugly and do whatever I can to avoid looking in the mirror, for example, the bathroom mirror is opposite the shower, so when I get in the shower I wrap my towel around my self then-safely hidden behind the steam I chuck it over the shower door successfully avoiding glimpsing ANY part of myself in the mirror. So, I hate logging on to facebook to find the 'Someone has tagged you in a photo' notification. Whenever that happens, I feel the blood drain from my face and my stomach starts to churn. It has gotten to the point where I end up hacking people's facebook to delete any photo I'm in, or going through my friends camera's when they aren't looking to delete any photos of myself. It's not fair. My best friend loves taking photos and always does so and I always try my hardest to avoid them, especially since I KNOW she will put them on facebook, so if it isn't bad enough that your friend has an awful photo of you, but they put it on the internet for everyone to see. I've told her I want to stay out of photos or tried to compromise with 'I'll be in the photo if you don't put it online' but she always refuses and says they are all going online. My friends have actually tried to force me to be in photos and either I get angry with them or I be in the photo then delete it later. Then I get annoyed, the person taking the photo gets annoyed and I don't know about them but that brings me down for the whole day or evening or whatever.

Noone understands. Why can't they just leave me alone ?!

Thought & Noted On A Bus

I've been swimming for so long now. It's the only thing I know. I'm not even very good at it. But it would be nice to just float for a while and watch the world go by. Treading water, just barely keeping myself from going under. But then again, maybe thats what I need. To just go under a bit. Drown a little. Maybe I need to die in order to live. Rebirth.

To Whom It May Concern

To whom it may concern, by the time you read this I will be gone.
What else can I say ?
I just don't want to be here anymore. And I refuse to believe that this is it, that there is nothing more than this because there must be. There has to be.
For us as a species to believe that we and this life are as good as it gets is so ignorant, so narrow minded. There has to be more. And I intend to find it before this cold artifical world has drained my soul and left me a weak brittle shell of who I used to be.

 I need to do this.

Please try to understand.


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A Note

So umm.. I got my laptop back from TechGuys. I sent it in for repairs because it kept jacking up. And erm, yeah, I got it back. With a new hardrive. So basically. I lost everything. I'm working to try and and get my files back from the old hardrive at the moment, so it might be a while before I post any of my own stuff but I'll probably still be posting other people's work, just stuff that inspires me, keeps me going through the hard times and such like.

I hope you're all having an awesome October holiday. Halloween this year is going to be one to remember. At least for my friends and I. I hope you guys enjoy the night ! <3




Peace.

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Edgar Allan Poe's Annabel Lee

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me-
Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea.



I really love this poem.  Edgar Allan Poe is such an inspiration, I watched a documentary on his life last night and it just made me admire him so much more, he truly was an amazing poet, novelist and to be honest, a hopeless romantic.



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Sunday Morning

All was silent when I left the house at six thirty this morning. Outside I was enveloped in darkness. Not sinister though..gentle..and somewhat comforting, as though Folkestone was wrapped up in a soft warm blanket. The whole neighbourhood was asleep. After a short while, I was able to see without the aid of the street lights and a few birds began to sing. I was walking up a steep hill when I noticed that from where I was stood, the entire left side of the sky was a ruby red, the other half as pastel blue. I watched as the colours changed. The left half began to turn a deep orange as the sun rose. Meanwhile, scarlet clouds drifted to the right- across the emerald hills and the sun illuminated the ivory outline of the white horse. No camera lense could capture the astounding beauty seen through the naked eye. Nor could words on a page or brush strokes upon canvas. I suppose no one will truly understand the breath taking beauty I saw this morning. I tore my eyes way from the sky for just one second but when I looked back up, it was gone. The sky was a simple blue, littered with fluffy white clouds- as always. But beautiful, none the less.


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The Reminder

We didn’t work out, we didn’t last long
but I think of you always
when I hear that song.
It’s a constant reminder of us, you see
and how we were together
when it was just you and me.

I guess it’s fate, we’re not meant to be
But my heart is locked
and you have the key.
I don’t feel anymore, I never laugh
My heart is in two, why can’t you see ?
You have the other half and I need you with me.




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Last Night

A slender pale hand slams down on the alarm clock
switching it to snooze
she suffers from a headache, last night’s booze
still half asleep, memories quickly flood in
a broken heart,  an awful breakup
she looks in the mirror, last night’s makeup
she hears the shower switch off and a person emerges
he smiles at her and she stares, wide awake
an unfamiliar face, last night’s mistake.




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Hello, October

Red leaves crunch beneath her brown suede boots.
The air is crisp and fresh.
She stumbles over the oak trees roots
and smiles at her own clumsiness.

Warm, brown conkers litter the floor
And the sun shines bright in the October morn
she passes the local shop.
Pumpkins are for sale, autumn has been born.




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